This is going to be a diary-esque, omg-why-am-i-sharing-this-with-the-world type of post, so bear with me…
Lately I’ve been feeling inadequate and incompetent. I feel like a hamster on a wheel… going going going, expending energy, producing content, working hard, but with not much to show for it. Right now, I’m doing one podcast episode a week, writing one blog post a week, getting my feet wet on YouTube, training for a marathon, and working a full-time job.
I do all these things because I love it. I love challenging myself, sharing my life, creating content, interviewing. I also recognize my NEED for it. A need to constantly be moving; I really am incapable of relaxing and just doing nothing. Or not even nothing—I am incapable of having more than just a few hours of free time before I get antsy.
However, is all of this worth it? I feel like my peers are doing a bunch of things too, but they seem to be doing it more masterfully, more efficiently, than me. They see results. They have an exponentially growing YouTube account. They are doing what they love and getting paid for it. They have a podcast with advertisers. They have their own business.
I think I have an entrepreneurial “spirit,” or at least drive, but I am lacking in the execution department. I have a bunch of “side hustles” that aren’t actually side hustles. They’re just hobbies.
I don’t have the confidence to ask for money. I don’t know the logistics of it all in terms of taxes/legal requirements. Maybe I just grew up focusing on this one goal of graduating college, getting a full-time job with benefits at a big company, and never considered anything else. So now I don’t know how to do anything else. Or maybe I’m just too lazy. Or too scared.
I realize this makes me sound like the typical entitled whiny millennial, but I need to let it out. I’ve been feeling incompetent for a while. I feel like with all the work I’ve put in, I should have gotten somewhere by now. They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results (side note: who decided on this definition??!?).
Am I insane? Should I give up and start over with something new? How do you know when to give up and when to keep going?